"I Hate My Body!" How we create the Beaten Dog Syndrome.....
Women commonly believe if we find fault with our bodies, the resulting motivation will help us create the body we want. As a result, we look in our mirrors and say, "I am not good enough, look at all this fat, what is wrong with me?" Why don`t I eat less, exercise more, have a different nose, wear more fashionable clothes, style my hair in a better way, etc, etc, etc?
We try to whip our bodies into shape with the idea that if we dislike ourselves enough we will finally learn our lessons and change. Our hope is that shame will motivate us enough to stay on our regime.
This is not the way to create lasting change! Emotional abuse will never help us create a healthy body. When we wage war against our bodies we create conflict.
True health requires inner harmony. The failure to understand this truth has undermined women's self esteem for countless years. The sad truth is, the more ashamed we feel about our bodies, the less likely we will be to create lasting, healthy change.
We often have to face our inner negativity before we are ready to heal and become the person we are meant to be. Please read the following story with an open mind. Give the words time to sink in. See if you recognize ways you try to beat your body into submission.
The Beaten Dog Syndrome
Imagine a poor abused dog. Let`s call her Beaten Dog. Beaten Dog has been mistreated for years. The dog`s owner yells at her frequently and says that she is too fat, not pretty enough and not good enough. The dog is often paraded in front of the mirror while the owner criticizes her saying things like "bad dog, what`s wrong with you, your snout is too wide and your fur is too dull." The strange thing is, the more the owner finds fault, the bigger the dog`s snout seems, and the duller her fur becomes.
Beaten Dog is forced to eat a very limited diet of brussel sprouts and watercress. She is often very hungry so whenever she gets the chance she scrounges around in the garbage can, gobbling up all the food she can get her paws on. When the owner catches her eating garbage, Beaten Dog is berated and dragged back to her bowl of greens. Dejected, with her tail between her legs, she dreams of raw meat.
Periodically the owner takes Beaten Dog outside and forces her to run laps around the yard. When she tires and wants to rest the owner yells, "No! Keep going, your behind is too big and you have to run off more fat." So the dog keeps running but there is no joy in her step. (I mean how could there be?)
"You`re not good enough!" the owner tells this dog day after day. And day after day the dog`s tail droops further, her fur gets duller, her eyes glaze over more, and she loses a bit more interest in life.
Do not despair because all is not lost. Wonderful plans are in the works for Beaten Dog. Her owner gets a new job that will keep her on the road and unable to care for a dog. (As if she ever cared much anyway.) She drops poor Beaten Dog off at a shelter. There are a few bad weeks at first because Beaten Dog feels even worse locked up in a cage. It`s not long before she feels so bad she wants to die. Why go on? Why indeed? She finally becomes so ill that one of the shelter workers takes her home to see if it is possible to nurse her back to health. And that`s when things start to change!
Lois, a kind volunteer, carries Beaten Dog into her house and says, "Let`s give you a new name. I don`t like that strange name "Beaten Dog." "What if we call you Shirley?" She asks.
"Shirley." Beaten Dog thinks. "That`s a nice name." She starts to feel a tiny bit better. A little ray of hope starts to grow in her heart.
Then Lois said, "Let`s fix a nice soft bed for you." She puts a fluffy blanket down next to the radiator where it is nice and warm. "Shirley," she tells her, "I want you to rest here until you start to feel better. Take as much time as you need."
Shirley lifts her head in surprise. "What? No calisthenics, no spinning class? Do you mean I don`t have to lift weights?"she asks.
"Why on earth would you want to lift weights?" Lois asks.
Shirley looks around. There is not a treadmill in sight. "Something is very different here," she thinks. "I LIKE this place."
Then Lois says, "I`ll fix you a tasty snack. You need to build your strength." Lois prepares a bowl with a variety of food. She wants to increase the happiness in Shirley`s heart (inner heart happiness is the best medicine for whatever ails you, you know.) So trying to make Shirley very happy, Lois puts a few greens in a bowl along with some good lean steak and poached chicken livers. She adds a spoonful of fish and then something that smells so heavenly that Shirley wonders if she is going to swoon. Can that really be….. PIG`S FEET???!! The glaze fades from Shirley`s eyes and she starts to munch happily. She is still weak, but she manages to wag her tail a bit. She thinks to herself, "I don`t just like this place, I LOVE this place."
After her meal, Lois pulls Shirley onto her lap. She says to her, "There, there, that`s a good dog. Look at how pretty you are." She scratches Shirley`s ears and belly. She holds her close and says "There, there, now." Lois ignores Shirley`s dull fur and the bad breath that is the result of years of so much sadness. Some things are just not worth noticing and if you ignore them long enough, they often go away anyway. As Lois holds her, Shirley whimpers a little bit. Then she starts to talk about the sorrows of her life. She tells Lois about the brussel sprout and watercress diet. Lois gasps in horror and holds Shirley closer. Then Shirley cries about the hours in front of the mirror having her snout examined. Lois tut tutts with disbelief and disapproval. Next Shirley wails about the lovely garbage she was not allowed to eat. At this point, Lois became positively indignant. When Shirley tells Lois about hours of being forced to run until she thinks she will drop, she sobs so hard she can hardly catch her breath. "My Goodness?" Lois exclaims with great anger in her voice. You were being treated like a Beaten Dog. We will never let this happen to you again!!
It doesn`t take long before Shirley is a much different dog. She eats food she loves and her body gathers strength. She rests until she craves activity. One day she asks Lois if they can go outside to play. The two of them spend hours throwing a ball around in the backyard. Shirley loves the exercise and the fresh air. After that day they often spend time outside playing.
At night they share snuggles by the fire and Lois tells Shirley that she loves her. In no time at all, Shirley is one of the happiest dogs you have ever seen. There are a few scars still left, but her shiny fur grows over them. Her eyes become clear and happy as she walks with a lift in her fanny and a wiggle of her tail. Life becomes very good. And of course Lois adopts Shirley and keeps her in her home forever. I mean a beautiful dog like Shirley – who could resist?
And they lived happily ever after. . .
Every one of us is equipped with a body which is actually an incredible earth suit with truly phenomenal transformational powers. We are reminded of our body`s power to transform every time we see before and after photos in a diet ad, or marvel over the dramatic difference of a cosmetic makeover. However, the problem with the diet plan and the makeover is that they promote changes that work from the outside in. We are told what to eat or what to wear, and we follow these prescriptions. Our bodies cooperate with this change for awhile, but with time, they go back to the old ways. It`s like thinking we can fix a leak in a water pipe by mopping up the floor. Any change is time limited because the problem has not been fixed. We must learn to change from the inside out instead of from the outside in.
How do we change from the inside out? We start by remembering the true purpose of our bodies. They were not given to us to help us look like the latest celebrity. We have each been given our unique earth suits for the soul purpose of helping us to fulfill our sacred tasks here on Earth. Our bodies are like light bulbs. When the light is off, the shape of the bulb may seem important. However, when we let our inner light glow, it`s like turning on the light. When your inner light is burning brightly, the shape of your body hardly matters.
Let`s consider Shirley. What was her life`s purpose? I`d say it was to love and be loved. How can we know this? Because when Shirley was loved and loved another, her earth suit reached its most healthy state. Her first owner didn`t know that love was the key to Shirley`s purpose. Her first owner seemed to think that following a forced diet and exercise program was Shirley`s reason to live. She made Shirley`s life all about eating only certain food and exercising vigorously. When Shirley was given the opportunity to do the things her body really wanted to do — eating yummy food, resting in a warm comfortable bed, talking about her inner sadness to someone who really cared, playing vigorously in the beautiful outdoors, and being in a loving relationship, her body was transformed. Her change came from the inside out by listening to her body and by following her most natural desires. Was Shirley going to have trouble maintaining this change? Of course not! She could easily live this way for as long as God intended for her to be actively on Earth.
We women need to listen to our earth suits and read our inner cues to create our personal joy too. For too many years experts have told us how we should eat, move, dress and even feel about our bodies. It is time we become our own experts. God has written the purpose of our earth suit in our hearts. We can learn to read these instructions and find our soul`s purpose.
For your next step, check out The Beauty Lie Quiz, The Inner Beauty Philosophy, God's Dating Service, or Karin's Blog.
Thank you for reading….
And Good Luck!