God’s Dating Service

I sit in a restaurant with two good friends from high school.  We are in our 50’s.  One of us is happily married, one is widowed, and I am divorced.  I tell them about a man who is teaching me some new things about relationships.  This man isn’t my boyfriend but he is teaching me about love all the same.  

My friend asks “At our age, how do you find a good man?  Where are they?”

Without thinking I reply, “Sign up for God’s Dating Service.  Let God do the looking for you.” 

I can’t sign up for a regular dating service or go out to the usual spots to meet people because I have serious health problems.  I am usually too sick to go out at night.  My body is full of anxiety and being around a man can cause me to tremble with fear.  Sometimes pain keeps me confined to my bed for days.  Despite my limitations, God brings men into my life to teach me the lessons I need to learn.   My heart has been broken more times than I can count but I’ve never given up hope.  When I have learned enough, I believe God will send me the right man. 

The men God sends to teach me my lessons show up in different ways.  One time I wake up to hear a voice whisper a name in my ear. This voice sounds as clear as if someone is in the room actually talking to me.  I call this man even though we haven’t talked in 20 years.  He and I feel an instant and compelling need to talk on the phone for hours and spend a year learning amazing things from each other.  Another of God’s teachers moves in across the street even though I live in a neighborhood where few single men reside.  I meet this man one morning while he shovels his driveway.  I learn many things from him too.  Still another man places an ad for articles in Ms. Magazine.  I use his ad as a coaster where it sits on my coffee table for months.  One day I look down, read the ad, and immediately know I am supposed to send this man my story.  After my submission, he and I begin an intense year-long relationship.  Still another time a man knocks on my door.  I answer and suddenly I am in the middle of another new relationship.  I never know when these men will arrive. God is in charge of the timing.  My friends are amazed that a woman who is practically housebound can manage to have so many men in her life.  I tell them it’s not me, it’s God.

Though I recognize the wonder of God’s Gifts, I feel discouraged when none of these men stays in my life for long.  Sometimes I don’t think I can take any more pain and wonder if God is playing a cruel trick on me.  Still, I find a way to persevere and find just enough faith to continue God’s Plan.  I keep trying even when I am too afraid to try any more. 

Guess what?  One day the man of my dreams finally shows up!  He changes my life in an instant and nothing has been the same since.   I now see how every man helped lead me to this one man.  I am so grateful for God’s Guidance and the way He prepared me to welcome love into my life.

Do you want to sign up for God’s Dating Service?  Here are the steps:

Step one:   Define how you want to feel while in a relationship.  Who do you want to be?

Step two:  Identify the qualities of a partner that are important to you.  Who are you looking for?

Step three:  Value the cycle of aloneness and togetherness.  Are you willing to wait patiently for the relationship of your dreams?  Can you keep learning and working even when there is no one in your life?  If God means for you to be alone long term, are you willing to accept even that?

Step four:  Review past relationships.  What have you already learned?

Step five:  Forgive yourself for the mistakes you made in the past.  Replace shame with gratitude for the lessons you have already learned.  Every lesson takes you closer to your best life.  Can you forgive yourself for being human? 

Step six:  Forgive former partners for their mistakes.  Each lesson takes you closer to your best life.  Can you replace your anger with gratitude for the lessons they taught you?  Can you forgive them for being human too? 

Step seven:  Watch for the next person who comes into your life.  This person will teach you the next set of lessons.  Can you trust that the right person will come at the right time?  Can you wait patiently for God’s Plan to unfold?

Step eight:  When someone is in your life, show up for the experience.  Tell the truth about how you feel and what you see even when it is hard to be honest.  Do you have the courage to be that honest?   Do you want happiness enough to risk everything and tell the total truth?

Step nine:  Look for the signs that you are on the right track.  When you feel pain, use your discomfort to guide you to the unease inside that still needs healing.  When you feel joy know that you are on the right track.  Honor all that you feel and all that you are.  Can you accept and use all your feelings?

Step ten:  Let go of the outcome of the relationship and trust that God has control.  If this relationship does not work, God will send another.  If you are meant to be alone, your solitude can be blissful.  Can you let go and trust the Divine Plan?

Step eleven:  Be true to yourself.  Trust that you are good enough.  Take care of your needs first.  If you are with a partner, love this person well after you recognize what you want and need.  Let both of you make mistakes.  Let both of you learn from your mistakes.  Can you trust the process?

Step twelve:  Thank God every day for the exciting experience of being alive.  Believe in the possibilities of this amazing life.  Know that a design beyond your perception and conception is guiding your every movement, every meeting, and every conversation.  Trust that God loves you and wants you to learn all you need to know to achieve wonderful intimacy and true happiness.  Believe in God’s miracles and look for the way these blessings manifest in your life.