Beauty Idols
Many little girls love fairy tales. Snow White and Cinderella are two of the most popular characters of all time. These princesses live happily ever after because of their beauty and goodness. Snow White and Cinderella have many admirable qualities. They behave kindly and faithfully even when facing cruelty and hardship. They work hard but their beauty is the quality that ultimately sets them apart. When a handsome prince falls in love with them they suddenly have security, wealth, happiness and true love. Beauty is their ticket to a life of ease and luxury.
Adult women often see beauty as the ultimate prize too. We spend incredible amounts of time, money and energy chasing personal beauty. Why? Do we want to be loved like a fairy tale princess? Do we think beauty will bring us true love, ease and luxury? We may think we know how we would feel if we looked like a supermodel, but do we?
What is it really like to be a very attractive woman? If you believe the hype, the beautiful are the happiest people on earth. Their smiling, smug, sexy faces stare at us from billboards, magazine covers, movie screens and computer monitors. Everywhere we look someone is telling us we will be more desirable and therefore happier if we buy their product. We rarely question the basic premise that prettier is better.
How happy are these women really? The tabloids scream that Lindsey Lohan, Britney Speers, Angelina Jolie, and Jennifer Aniston have their own set of problems. Some of the most beautiful women of our time – Marilyn Monroe, Elizabeth Taylor, Farrah Fawcett, Jacqueline Onassis, and Anna Nicole Smith are known for lives marked by tragedy and unhappiness. Their stories read more like nightmare than fairy tale. Still, we are fascinated with them. Why?
I define very attractive women, or VAWs, as the women who most closely resemble the media ideal embodied by professional models and actresses. Every woman can be very attractive, but not every woman is a VAW. We can all exude attractive energy that draws people magnetically to us, but only some of us will have a VAW’s physical features. VAWs generally make up 10% of the female population. In basic, essential ways, VAWs are like the rest of us. In other ways, they might as well live in another world.
Research has found that VAWs are set apart and treated differently from a very young age. Kindergarteners, when asked to pick out the most attractive of their classmates, choose the same children their parents do. Even newborn babies react differently to more beautiful faces. Adults give the prettiest babies preferential treatment. From birth on the most attractive women are given incredible power. Learning the best ways to handle this power is a challenge VAWs face. Some VAWs can get themselves into a lot of trouble when they handle their power in maladaptive ways.
A VAW’s appearance has a significant effect on every relationship in her life but these influences are poorly understood and rarely articulated. Strangely enough, many VAWs do not even realize they are VAWs. They often see themselves as average and underestimate the impact of their appeal. As a result, VAWs often don’t understand some of the most important challenges of their lives.
Despite the ways that VAWs are different from the rest of us, in the most important ways they are the same. Inside they are human with the same desires as the rest of us. They too long for love, safety, and self esteem. However, unlike the rest of us, they get the chance to learn that a pretty face will never bring them real happiness. The desire for physical beauty is, in many ways, an empty goal. VAWs are often the poster children for that particular type of emptiness. Their experience can teach us how to create dreams that will lead to true happiness.
Recognizing the spiritual meaning of beauty can help us find our way. We often think of beauty as a lucky genetic accident, but what if being born beautiful is no accident? What if the forces to be, whether we call them God, Fate, or Evolution, create beauty for a specific and profound reason? What if beauty is a legitimate spiritual quest? If this is the case, then what is the meaning of beauty, and how can the most naturally beautiful among express this spirituality? How can all of us, including VAWs, deepen our spirituality when faced with women who look more beautiful than we do?
To learn more please read "VAW Facts," "Why Does God Create VAWs?," and "The VAW Syndrome."